True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
