She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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