well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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