He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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