she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
