I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
