Where did you get a picture of my penis
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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