Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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