Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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