Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
