when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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