I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
