I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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