I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
