just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
why is half of my head shaved?
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