Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
one might say we're banned from that church
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
