where am i from again
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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