After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
