its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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