Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
