I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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