Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
