I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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