Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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