she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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