i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
