you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
