how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
