You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
