If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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