they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
