Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
