God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
wow bdsm is so cute
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
