Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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