You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
