So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
