Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
