guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
