I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
