Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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