Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
