Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
