Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
