ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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