last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
