id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
