hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
