i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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