Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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