my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
