i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
