I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
