May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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