I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
