The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
