today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
