So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
