I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
