Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
