Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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