You're a womanizer and a bitch.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
