Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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