i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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