All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
as a side note pls kill me
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