i just had sex bonerless
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
