I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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