You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
