I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
